quotes.parker on serving

In “Let Your Life Speak”, Parker Palmer enters into a deep discussion about vocation, what one is called to be, not necessarily what one wants to be.  He talks about the problems we encounter when we serve for the wrong reasons, when we give for ourselves instead of for others.  Here again are some insightful quotes from Palmer…

“Do not give to the poor expecting to get their gratitude so that you can feel good about yourself.  If you do, your giving will be thin and short-lived, and that is not what the poor need; it will only impoverish them further.  Give only if you have something you must give; give only if you are someone for whom giving is its own reward.”

“When I give something I do not possess, I give a false and dangerous gift, a gift that looks like love but is, in reality, loveless - a gift given more from my need to prove myself than from the other’s need to be cared for.  That kind of giving is not only loveless but faithless, based on the arrogant and mistaken notion that GOd has no way of channeling love to the other except through me.”

“Though usually regarded as the result of trying to give too much, burnout in my experience results from trying to give what I do not possess…  Burnout is a state of emptiness,…but it does not result from giving all I have:  it merely reveals the nothingness from which I was trying to give in the first place.”

“When the gift I give to the other is integral to my own nature,… it will renew itself - and me - even as I give it away.”

“As slowly as the ripening fruit
Fertile, detached, and always spent,
Falls but does not exhaust the root…”  May Sarton, Now I Become Myself

next: Parker on

quotes.parker on life and vocation

In Parker Palmer’s “Let Your Life Speak”, there are so many wonderful quotes to chew on and savor like a delicious, mouth-watering dinner.  I list some for myself, to constantly return to when I’m hungry…

On life, vocation and where God can take you… 

“Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you.  Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent.”

“Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue.  It means a calling that I hear.”

“My life is not only about my strengths and virtues; it is also about my liabilities and my limits, my trespasses and my shadow.  An inevitable though often ignored dimension of the quest for ‘wholeness‘ is that we must embrace what we dislike or find shameful about ourselves as well as what we are confident and proud of.”

“… every journey, honestly undertaken, stands a chance of taking us toward the place where our deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”

next: Parker on serving - the right and wrong way

to be with…

“One of the hardest things we must do sometimes is to be present to another person’s pain without trying to “fix” it, to simply stand respectfully at the edge of that person’s mystery and misery.”  -Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

Coming off the heels of Exodus 3, I am even more convinced that the God who went down to save the Israelites, the God who went down to be with David in the valley of death, the God who went down in the form of Jesus to suffer on the cross to die in our place… this is the same God that comes down to be with us in our despair.

It is so hard for me at times, to be confronted with a problem and not immediately want to “fix” it… just ask Val! ha! “You mean you didn’t want me to fix your problems??!?”  That is sometimes a shocking realization as a husband!  You mean it’s not about ME trying to solve the world’s problems?!  It is so true isn’t it, that when we are in our moments of darkness, of suffering, discouragement, frustration or despair, we’re not necessarily looking for someone to solve it, rather, it’s more comforting to know someone understands it.  I like how Parker points out that God is …

“a God who does not “fix” us but gives us strength by suffering with us.”

to give strength by suffering with…to suffer with, to be with… that’s hard.  It’s uncomfortable, it’s silent, it’s awkward… it’s listening, it’s understanding, it’s not fixing, it has nothing to do with the ‘fixer’.   

There is a boy in the hospital I work at, he has no family, he is alone and abandoned.  I am embarrassed to admit that I have avoided him.  Avoided him because I don’t know what to say, because I feel uncomfortable, because I don’t know how to ‘fix’ it, because I’ve been too ‘busy’ solving other problems that I know how to solve.  So as I write this, I do so with much conviction.  I need to BE WITH… I need to Love… 

exodus.chapter03

Chapter 3  Moses is called by God through a Burning Bush.

1a. How is God’s plan of salvation for the Israelites revealed?  

I love that God tells Moses in v.7-8 “I have seen… I have heard… I am concerned… So I have COME DOWN to rescue…”  Isn’t that awesome?  God came down to earth to save the Israelites!  He could’ve done it from above, but why did he come down to save? 

1b. How might this point to Jesus, God’s plan of salvation for all of us?

After reading this in Exodus, I’m wondering if this is God’s modus operandi, to come down to earth to rescue His people… it starts to make sense then, that He would come down again, in the form of Jesus, to save us all from certain death.  Which then leads me to wonder why DID Jesus come down to rescue us?  Why did he come to be one of us, human, to walk with and suffer?  Instead of just doing all the dirty work from the safe and comfy confines of heaven?  

One of my favorite verses in the Bible comes from Psalm 23, “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.”  The psalmist doesn’t say, “for you are on high, looking down at me in the valley keeping me safe”… no, God came down to be with him in the valley.  

I can’t think of a better way to show love than to go down and walk with someone during difficult times. I think maybe this is what God was thinking… to show His Love, by coming down to earth to walk with and rescue His people.  He has a habit of doing it, it’s His modus operandi, from exodus to Jesus to today.  

2.  How does Moses respond to God’s calling?  

Brother A. likes how God has to tell Moses in v5 “do not come any closer”… as if Mo might’ve rushed into God a little too quickly, perhaps without thinking, that he almost gets toasted.   God then proceeds to give Mo his mission, his Call, and Mo responds “oh, uh, but who am I to go and do such and such…?” (Not so gung ho anymore)  Then we find Mo saying “ok, God, well suppose I go…”  I think Brother A. is right… “Suppose Moses?”  whaddya mean suppose?  a moment ago, you almost became a toasted marshmallow running for God, and now you’re telling God… well, suppose i go…??

How might this relate to your response to God?

Great… who came up with these questions? … I don’t know about you, but that is exactly how I am… I’m so quick to say “Yes God!  I’m in, I’ll do whatever you say, you can count on me!”   Then, when God actually asks me to do something, I’m like, uh, really?  well, hey God, I mean, who am I to go and do such and such?  oh, you really want me to?  are you sure?  well, suppose I do what you’re saying, then what? what about this and what about that?  are you sure? no, you must be mistaken!”  Can you tell I’ve been down that road a few times?!   

3. How is God’s Glory revealed in this chapter?

God reveals himself in a burning bush. A fire that should have been dependent on it’s bark for life, but apparently is not.  Fire that is purifying, Fire that is required for Life, but Fire that if touched too closely, can cause Death.  A truly unique Fire that is not limited to the rules of this earth.  

Which makes it even more amazing to me that Jesus would come down to earth, to suffer and die, to hang on a piece of bark like a criminal, so that we might be saved.  

pillow talk…

What is the purpose of prayer?

I had a recent conversation with someone who asked this question and also wondered, why do people pray out loud?  She’s part of this prayer group and shared that whenever it’s her turn to pray (out loud), she does so uncomfortably, unsure of what to say, especially compared to the verbal eloquence of her prayer team colleagues. 

what is prayer?  I admit sometimes I get lost in the meaning of prayer.  I start thinking, if God already knows everything, already knows the future, what is the purpose of prayer?  Am I going to change His mind?  Does prayer make a difference?  Does my lack of prayer make a difference?   I wonder if I’m the only one that gets confused with what exactly prayer is supposed to be?  I mean, there’s so much stuff out there about what prayer “is” and “is not”.  So many interpretations of “The Lord’s Prayer”, creative and catchy formulas like “ACTS” (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, supplication)… cute, there’s liturgical prayers, scriptural prayers, contemplative prayer, healing prayers, confessional prayer…  nothing wrong with any of these.  For me, I think at times, I stare too much at the trees and forget what the forest looks like. 

My head spins and spins with how I’m supposed to be praying.   

Well, I can relate to my friend above.  I’m pretty uncomfortable praying in front of other people too.  I get self-conscious about what I’m saying, and embarrassingly, I admit that as the words are coming out of my mouth, sometimes I’m thinking to myself, am I making any sense? are my words BIG enough? Holy enough? Christian-y enough?  what can I say that will really be inspiring?  It’s then I realize with conviction, who the heck am I talking to?  Am I praying to God or trying to make a speech in front of people?  Why do people pray out loud?

I don’t know, when my head finally stops spinning from thinking about how I’m supposed to pray, what I’m supposed to say and what good is my prayer going to do… when I finally stop staring at the trees and step back and look at the forest, I wonder if maybe, I’m praying for the wrong reasons, that maybe prayer is something more like “pillow talk”.

I think praying to Jesus is like having that someone special in your life, to be intimately connected with, soul to soul-type connected, through deep, heart-felt conversations with Him.  It’s like pillow talking with that special someone you would sacrifice sleep for in order to stay up late, talking for hours on the phone; that someone to share your highest highs and your lowest lows, your greatest joys and your biggest fears…  that person with whom you can be yourself with, and safe with to reveal your struggles, deep hurts and pains with.  I think Jesus wants this deep, intimate relationship with us, that He wants to… pillow talk.

When I talk with my kids, I’m okay with them ask me for things like, say, the latest McDonald’s Happy Meal toy.  While it’s simple-minded to me, they’re kids and I know it’s big to them, so I don’t mind.  But what I love is when Claire is able to share with me that she had a bad day, that it hurt when so and so pushed her down on the playground or that she made a mistake on something and felt junk about it.  I feel like she trusts me, that she feels safe with me and it gives me the opportunity to tell her how much I love her.  It makes me feel closer to her.  Well, I definitely have my moments when I approach God with my Happy Meal Toy-like requests.  But I think He too wants to hear about our bad days, how much we hurt, how junk we feel.  I wonder if it shows Him that we trust Him, that we find safety in Him, and I wonder if He’s waiting for the opportunity to say, “I love you”.  I wonder if it makes Him feel closer to us.

Pillow talk.  I suppose that’s why I don’t like praying much in front of other people.  It’s a little awkward and I feel self-conscious pillow talking to God in front of others.  Sometimes, I listen to people who pray with big words and great eloquence and wonder, is that how they really talk to God when they’re at home, alone in bed, one on one?  (I probably shouldn’t be speculating!) 

Well, I’m sure all the different forms, words, ways and formulas of prayer are helpful in developing a closer relationship with God.  I love liturgical prayers, contemplative prayer, praying the psalms from time to time… but I need to keep reminding myself, if I’m not pillow talking with Him, I’m looking too closely at the trees and forgetting what the forest looks like…

I Love you God! Amen.

exodus.chapter02

Brief notes from Brother Antonio’s study on chapter 2

Interesting that the Nile was supposed to be a source of death for Moses and other Hebrew baby boys, yet, it became a source of life for Moses as he is found by Pharaoh’s daughter.  

On the other hand, the Nile was a source of life for the Egyptians (providing water, irrigation for crops, etc) but would become directly involved in the plagues against the Egyptians.

Isn’t that how God works? No better example than the Cross… what was meant for death, Jesus turned into Life.

______________________________________________________

I think that’s how God works in our lives as well.  Many things we go through, what seems to be headed for death, He turns into life.  As I think about the shutting down of Aloha Airlines, it was like the death of great family.  The stages of grief were (and still are) experienced by all involved. Now, several months later, I watch the gatherings at “Aloha Tuesdays” and see the life of new friendships formed.   What was meant for death, is turning into life.  I see, right in front of my eyes, mourning turning into dancing.  There are still those who mourn, still those who suffer from depression and darkness.  But there is a safe place for those to gather.  A place for healing, a place to start anew.  

Unfortunately, there will always be death moments in our lives. With Jesus however, we know Life always follows.  Perhaps the hardest part in life however, is living in between the Death and the New Life. So, I think that is where God calls us to minister, to be with those living in the in-between stages of Death and New Life.  Like Moses’ sister, who watched, followed and stayed with baby Moses as he floated helplessly in the Nile… she was there when Pharaoh’s daughter found him, she was there when God happened.  Likewise, God asks us to be there when He “happens” in someone’s life.  Sure, He doesn’t really need you when He “happens”, but I think He offers to use us a gift, a gift of being a part of His Glory… and at the same time, transforming our life, from one degree of glory to another…

seminary, here i come…

Well, I did it… I applied to seminary this Fall!  After much thought, prayer and discussion with Val, a new journey begins.  There are so many unknowns… how in the world am I going to find time to study?  how am I going to do this with a family and 2 kids?  how am i going to afford this?  Can I even write a paper again?  I mean, one of greatest advantages of pharmacy school was that I never had to write papers! how long is this going to take?  Ahh, but unknowns are good right?  builds character, builds faith, builds trust…  yeah, all those good things huh?  gulp!

Some anxiety, a bit of fear, and yet a strange amount of peace are all wrapped up together.  Some days, I feel so sure of this… I’m ready to take on the world… other days, I think, am I crazy?  Especially at work… I have the best job in the world… while very stressful at times, it’s more than worth it because of a great medical team, amazing cancer kids, a great pharmacy staff to work with, great hours, monday to friday, weekends/holidays off, flexible vacation options… I feel like I have it all at work… I’m so darn comfortable!  And yet, I know there is something missing… a burning hole that I know exists somewhere in the back of my mind and heart.  I’ve tried pushing it off to the side, thinking maybe if I ignore it, it will go away… but it keeps pushing its way forward, stronger than I can push it backward. 

I don’t know to what extent this will affect my current career… I’ve been trying to plan out my life for so long, and am finally realizing that maybe God’s plans may not be quite the same as mine!  A big thank you to my wife, who not only puts up with my crazy ideas, but supports them as well!  I couldn’t even begin to think about this without her. 

So what is this burning hole that keeps making its way to the forefront of my heart?  I’m not entirely sure, but I do know that it gets larger and larger every time I hear of the story of Jesus, on the shores of the sea of Galilee, as He’s asking Peter, “Do you truly love me?”  And Peter replies, “Yes Lord, you know I do.”  Then Jesus responds, with pure redemption in His voice…  ”Feed My Sheep”

seminary, here I come…

exodus.chapter01

Let’s begin! Let me start by giving credit to “The Message of Exodus” by JA Motyer and the ESV Literary Study Bible for helping me along in this journey through Exodus!

Chapter 1… quite a gloomy picture for God’s People.  Joseph is long forgotten, and the Israelites find themselves at the mercy of “brutal slave drivers” under “heavy burdens”. Oppressed and subjected to genocide, God’s people enter into dark times.

It’s natural to ask the question “WHY?”…